"The sharp, ragged edges of the hole in my chest were already throbbing, so I decided to cheat.
I rarely ever thought of him. I tried not to. Any memories I had of him ripped open my chest, and left me gasping for air. It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges, that continued to throb and bleed, despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air, and my head spun, like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn’t hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together.
It will be as if I never existed.
They were just words, like print on a page. They lacked the perfect clarity of my hallucinations, but the edges of the hole seared, like it I was being dragged across a serrated edge. I gasped, trying to breath without lungs. I wondered silently how long this could last.
I pressed my face against the pillow. What was the point of trying not to think of him? The huge hole was already hurting. . .
Thinking of that, I played the hallucination I had today over and over in my head. The tears streamed relentlessly down my face, as I closed my eyes, and waited for the nightmare to begin."
♥ 6:44 PM
